Spring is Finally here. Where’s the love?

It’s been awhile since I last wrote. Not really sure why because a lot has been happening. Spring is finally here in the city and it feels like a whole new world. I’m happy about that because I’m in need of new energy.

I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting, which I think is a good thing. I’ve been single for 3 years (I think) and I’m 36 now. I know some people like being single and maybe I did for a certain period, but I’m pretty sick of it now. I’ve been sick of being single for all of 2015. You can only get hit on by so many 22-27 year olds before it starts to get old. These little boys are aggressive and grabby too. I find myself not even wanting to go out because that’s what I find out. Waste of time, waste of calories spent on liquid!

After a 7.5 year relationship going right into a 5.5 year relationship I needed to rediscover who I was and what I wanted. I think when you are in a relationship you are always thinking what else is out there in the most idealistic sense. The hard reality (at least here in NYC) is that there are a lot of drugged out, narcissistic, broke, selfish, slutty, objectifying guys out there that are too scared to get emotionally invested in anyone, so they just go about using and abusing every woman that crosses their path. I date these guys and befriend these guys. See it first hand and then my friends tell me about their own similar experiences. It’s so bad here that my girlfriends will only date people outside of the city.

I recently dated this guy Jose P. for 6/7 months and every time I brought up us just seeing each other he would stall me and/or have one excuse or another. What the fuck?! That’s a long ass time. You know a person pretty well after a couple of months, there’s no need for 4 months or longer. So all this waiting talk is pure bullshit!!

The kind of guy that pulls this shit and pretends to want something serious is the worst kind of guy. Claims he wants it all, but always runs away attempting to keep you waiting around for sexual favors or God knows what. I don’t understand why people have gotten so messed up and insecure that they can’t commit to a few months of respectfully dating one another. Dating is meant to get to know people…break ups are ok. What’s not ok is running around on every single person you date. That is psychologically and physically unhealthy for both parties. Insecure people do this and it further breeds trust issues and insecurities.

I’ll write more about dating Jose in detail later. He was literally the 3rd person I’ve ever dated in my life. I fell hard for him and he broke my heart. I had been running around in circles all that time until I met him. Somehow he got me to stand still long enough to realize that I wanted to be with just him. I wanted more and I wanted to take chances with him. I was bold and told him what I wanted and I still got nothing from him. I honestly now think he never stopped dating and meeting other girls the entire I time I knew him. Makes me literally sick to my stomach. I really think he thought he would get hurt by me, so he hurt me first by letting me down every time I would give him a chance. There’s only so many times you can try and give others chances.

I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong and whose fault it all was. This “thing” whatever you call it even though it didn’t have a label certainly feels like a breakup. Accompanied by nausea, crying and lack of appetite. I haven’t felt this shit in over a decade. It’s truly awful!  At the end of the day I wish people could remain friendly after break ups. I guess it’s more difficult for some than others.  I really try to communicate and respect people I date and by date I mean longer than a month. I guess I’m happy that I’m finally open to receiving love again. It took 10 long years! I’m hurt now and realize it’s not killing me, so I can get hurt again. I’ve cried a lot of tears over Jose, but the next time I’ll choose someone who is also ready, who actually wants the same things and it will be for real. And I’m not going to find him on Tinder like I found Jose. I’m brave enough to take chances in love again. It’s a really huge breakthrough for me. I’m excited and I can’t wait to meet the special guy that was meant for me. I can’t wait to feel safe, loved and protected in someones arms again. Ahhh that’s just the best! Also the regular sex is priceless…GOD give me that again. This body was not meant to be wasted and it certainly goes LONG periods being wasted.

I hope the next few months brings lots of inspiring new adventures for all you 30somethings out there…me included :).

Finale is fun, but I still have a headache

So I went out on Tuesday to Finale with my neighbor who is married. This isn’t typical Tuesday night behavior, but last week I busted her Two Timing husband bringing home a hooker. He’s a loaded bond trader, so not sure if she’s actually going to leave him, but she’s been itching to go out, so I oblige. I’m assuming she’s kicked him out for the meantime because I actually haven’t seen him in about a week. Tough place for a girl to be in, but you know my rule. Tell anyone and everyone if you see cheating. Also dude in your own home where your friend lives down the hall…smarten up you idiot! There are hotels for that.

Anyway, we call some promoters and get in fine. It’s kinda dead at first at 12 midnight, but within 30 minutes it was getting packed. Around 1 am you could hardly move.

The promoter named Krispie that we know had our group set up at a table upstairs across from the DJ. There were some really young banged up girls at this table, but who cares. They were pouring drinks for free and we opened wide. We found our selves standing next to a roped off area and assumed that was VIP. We are singing and dancing and a girl starts talking to us on the other side of the rope. We instantly become friends because she’s sweet and fun. She’s one of the managers at Finale and The General. Then another promoter steals us and invites us to his VIP table inside the roped off area. This always happens at some point thankfully, so we go in. All the sudden we hear that Shaggy is there and this guy named Snootie Wild. Shaggy I know, but this other cat who knows. Snootie starts to perform and I’m like omg I think I know this song.

 

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikL-18q7uQ4

After Snootie Wild performs I see him next to our VIP area in another roped off area checking me out, so I go up and ask for a picture with him. After that he asks for my number lol. This is not the type of guy I would ever date. In fact any artist is probably in the undateable category. I had met French Montana over the Summer as well, but didn’t exchange numbers. I think rappers might have a thing for me…as well as NBA guys since I met Kyrie Irving over the Summer at Avenue and was even invited back to his house in NJ to hang lol. More on that later.

Snootie Wild and Shaggy

The night that was supposed to end at 1:30 went till after 4am. I think I saw my girlfriend kissing some dude on the couch. Good for her! Bitch left me there though when we live down the hall from each other wtf. Who knows if she brought that guy home or not. I kinda hope she did. I myself ended up making out with some Dominican 23 year old lol. Awful aggressive kisser…oh well. I’ll add him to the list. His name was Iran lol. AND is Dominican!! How does that happen lol?

Anyway this debauchery has totally f’d up my week. Now it’s Thursday and the Thursday crew is all calling me up and wanting to go out. PhD is always a possibility, but I’m tired. I just want to find a guy that gives me a reason to stay home. Why is this so hard?! Maybe I should just watch a romcom and cry my eyes out…

….oh yeah no I can’t. I have another date tonight with a guy name Krishna that I met and made out with last week. He’s an Indian Hedgefund guy that was born and raised here. I’m not really into Indian guys, but he’s kinda cute and his personality is a lot like mine. We’ll see. Hopefully he’s a gentlemen and doesn’t ask to go down on me after an hour of knowing eachother…le sigh.

So that guy Chris from Mon texted me wanting to hang out again next week. I told him we were looking for different things and then he attacked me saying I’m too much of a party girl. Yeah whatever guy… rejection sucks…deal with it slut.

New Date…FAIL!

So I go on a first date tonight with a seemingly nice guy from match.com. He’s age appropriate at 36 and we agree to meet at the Smith. His profile says he’s 5’10. When I arrive I see he’s more like 5’8, which is annoying. Still he looks ok and the conversation was really flowing, so I stay for 2 drinks.

I tell him I’m a conservative girl and I like to take my time getting to know a guy. I feel it’s necessary to tell guys this now because they all get inappropriate at some point. I always hope when I meet a new guy and actually like them that they stay a gentlemen all night. Most fail sadly.

At some point the doosey comes out about him having an 8 year old daughter and getting divorced 5 years ago. I’m kinda at the point that I’m ok with this now, just cause lots of people have kids at our age. So I ask him would you date a woman with kids and he aggressively says no. I inquire further why and he says because he’s not trying to get involved with that drama.  “I’m at the point where I want as few obligations as possible”. What an idiot! He wants me to consider dating him, but he would never do the same. AND he wants no obligations. What a moron! Yeah ok guy strike one.

Then he mentions he’s looking to have fun. Any guy that says anything about having fun is an immediate NO for me and should be for all you girls out there. He’s a “hit it and quit it” type and a waste of your time.

So we decide to call it a night and he kisses me outside of the smith. It was actually a really good kiss surprisingly. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I have so few intimate moments in my life that a kiss can be really exhilarating to me. No it doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you or you are coming back home with me you twit. Which I’m sure he was thinking. Ugh!

He suggests going to another bar across the street and I go. There were no girls in the bar and I literally felt the guys swarming. 2 guys had sat right at our table across from us and it wasn’t even crowded. #weird

It’s getting late so I offer to pay the bill since he paid at the last spot. We leave and I start walking home and he follows me. He kisses me again. Another good kiss and I tell him I should get going. He’s like let’s hang out more. I might not be able to get home if 1st avenue is closed because of the UN general assembly. Which is true, but I went from annoyed to totally offended in 2 seconds. I totally called him out. I was like are you seriously inviting yourself to my place with this bs story? Didn’t you hear anything about me?

So we leave and he again tries to come home with me and then invites me to his place. He kisses me again and starts touching my waist and hips. I wore a conservative dress with a bulky jacket, so he couldn’t see my body, but I’ve determined it’s just worse this way to try and hide myself. Still the same result with overly sexual disrespectful guys trying to bang me after knowing me for hours.

He pulls me off the street and gets CRAZY with me all within minutes or seconds telling me he’s so hard and I’m so hot and he wants me so bad…he’s going to have to break his rule with me….yeah guy shut the fuck up I’m thinking in my head. Then he tells me he wants to eat me out sooo bad…I’m like WHOA guy, this is getting crazy. We are looking for different things. I have to go home. I’ve sadly had more guys than I’d like telling me they would love to eat me out. WTF?! Is this normal courting behavior? Why does this always happen to me? I mean match.com is a paying dating site right? If I wanted to get eaten out by randoms I certainly don’t have to pay for a dating service you DICK! I can walk into any bar and have that happen. Piece of shit!!

He changes his tone saying he’s open to seeing me again and would want to. What is this guy smoking?! Like hell I’m going to see him again. Fucking idiot!

This guy is an educated 36 year old that makes over 6 figures. He knows better. He’s an asshole and NYC is filled with this.

At any rate I just feel like eating sweets and sleeping in tomorrow. It’s useless. It seems like there are no good men left in NYC. Did all the mothers out there do terrible jobs? How am I constantly disrespected? Don’t tell me not to kiss the guy because I think there’s a HUGE gap between kissing a guy and talking about how hard you are and how much you want to eat someone out.

Tell me what I’m doing wrong please…I beg of you.

Leonardo G. cheating on his girlfriend of 5 years….BUSTED!

Let me begin with this:

Yup you guessed it. Another guy with a long term girlfriend of like 5 years trying to get with me. Silly boys…don’t you know us smart girls will always find out. Let’s hope this woman is actually independent and strong and ditches the dude like I did.

This time it only took me a little over a month to catch on to this idiot. He took me out on a number of dates, stayed out with me past 2:30am a number of times, introduced me to his work friends, cross fit friends and jiu jitsu friends and sadly had a serious girlfriend. He may have even lived with her. The one flag was that he never invited me over to his place. He always wanted to come over to my apartment. Then had a series of excuses of being in between apartments and back and forth from Brooklyn, NJ and Manhattan.

I had seen him months ago on pof.com, but actually met him on Tinder. You may criticize me and say what are you doing looking for anything substantial on those bullshit sites, but I actually know people that have boyfriends from Tinder now. You never know, so that’s why.

You may recognize him or maybe it’s best you don’t lol…

I’ve decided my stance is always going to be to tell the other woman if I find out and I always do. I’m thankful I never slept with Leo although he tried desperately. We got pretty close though, which is why I went into high stalk mode and thankfully found his girlfriend online. I have to say ladies if your guy has a hidden or made up name or adds a middle initial on facebook and/or never posts anything about the two of you…he’s shady and most likely pulling tail on the side.

I’m thinking I will add pics of this guys texts to me, so you can see how good he was. I had told him I had never been intimate with a guy that wasn’t my boyfriend, so he even asked me to be his girlfriend over text. It’s appalling how thorough and sincere he played his con.

Best part about this whole thing is that I kept seeing him for about a week or two after I found out about his girl. Just to learn what kind of crap he would say and try to pull. I invited him to a sophisticated party and told all my friends what he was doing just to laugh at him. Was also nice that this jerk took me out a few more times. Every time he asked to come over I said I had my period…all sheepish like and embarrassed…haaa…fuck him lol.

I actually tried confronting him with a couple of lies and it was kind of sad watching him squirm and try to get out of them. I sat across from this huge man with bulging muscles looking so pathetic and small. That’s when I decided to end it and tell him I knew about his girl. It just wasn’t fun. Wish people respected each other more. I mean there are hookers for escapades. This guy knew I was looking for something serious. He knew my dog was dying and my dad had just been in the hospital for almost two weeks nearly dying and he still could stomach just using me and taking from me. How awful is that?

I actually cried after I ended it because I finally thought I was close to having sex with someone. This guy had a great body too and was huge. I’m sure he could’ve thrown me around a bit. It’s been so long since I’ve had sex I don’t even feel like a woman anymore. Ugh! I won’t give in to any undeserving guy though.

Are you other girls in NYC encountering douchebags like this or is it just me?

AND his dick was small…haa, haaa…I’m the last one laughing. I’m seriously confused how a man so large could have such a below average dick. He was like 6’4 with size 14 shoes and ginormous hands. He didn’t fit in my bed lol. All that talk about a mans feet and hands in relationship to his penis can go out the door.

I’ll add that his girlfriend was a gorgeous fitness bikini model. She also seemed really super cool. So ladies when a guy cheats it literally has nothing to do with you. I’m pretty sure this guy Leo had cheated on every girl that had ever cared about him. He clearly has issues. Not mine to worry about anymore.

I really hope more girls read this and take their time to sleep with a guy. I have so many girlfriends that subscribe to the “4 date rule” which is bullshit. I went out on at least 6 dates with this guy and all my friends loved him. He was so charming. AND A FUCKING DICKHEAD CHEATER! He had conned everyone. All my friends, his girl, and me.

I take my time with guys and relationships and have sadly found out there are a lot of bad guys out there. My emotions and self confidence are preserved though. If all girls did this we would all unilaterally be pushing men to operate on a higher level and would have better men in all of our lives. Please girls don’t let anyone pressure you. We hold all the power before sex and after sex all the power goes to the guy choosing to commit to us. We all should be prolonging that period for longer than 4 dates. We need to start owning this market again girls. I’ll tell you that the guys in NYC surely are dominating and none of us girls are winning. Not the ones that are single or with boyfriends, engaged or married.

Help me get it together ladies…seriously!!

 

Update:

She’s since emailed me and wants to talk on the phone. She was actually grateful that I reached out, but obviously broken hearted. I’m glad I did the right thing here. I mean this is what the girl looks like. She’s gorgeous! No one should have to deal with this crap.  What a dumbass!

 

 

 

 

 

Summer in NYC wrap up…please tell me it gets better than this.

So Again I know it’s been some time since I’ve posted, but I’ve had a busy Summer. Not as busy as last Summer, but still busy. I’m still single after almost 2 years and it’s been almost a year since I’ve had sex. I’M DYING! I can’t believe it’s this hard to find monogamous sex in nyc. I just want to be cared about, be able to share the ups and downs of life with someone and get fucked on a regular basis by the same guy and not have to worry about him messing around on the side. Why is that so f’ing hard!??

Let’s see, so the significant characters this year – to date – I guess would be 1. that same guy Mike J. from the 6th floor who has somehow become a good friend and weaseled his way into meeting my family. My Dad now has given his blessing if we get together…barf. So has his mother. Yikes! He’s a no go because he tried to make me jealous by getting with my friend then ended up sleeping with her and dumping her shortly after. Yeah no chance guy! Although I still think of him as a friend.

Then there was 2. Matt S. who I met all the way back in March out at a sceney club here in Manhattan. That came to a screeching halt just last week. Then there was 3. Benn G., then finally 4. Leo G.

Here’s the line up so far of my guy interactions this year, not necessarily just from the Summer. By interactions I mean making out and by making out I mean I kissed all of these guys. Only 4 of them were more serious where I was considering having sex with each one of them. Well let’s be honest…I “considered” having sex with all of them, but sadly did not with any of them…sigh.

Jon  33
Alexis O 42
***Shlok 31
***Matt S. 30
Sean J. 23
Steve F. 33
Mike J. 35
John J. 37
David 34
Benn G. 27
Ryzard C. 24
Guy from world cup 25
Joe C.  26
Steve  33
Random blonde guy ?
Abel 32
***Leonardo G.  Said he was 35, but actually 40

These guys all were educated and good looking. 4 were in investment banking, 2 were in private equity, 1 was a rugby player. Other occupations were insurance sales, Real estate, Psychotherapy, Art dealer, IT, Personal Trainer/Promoter (lol), lawyer and Doctor. The names with Asterisks are guys who had long term (we are talking YEARS) girlfriends. I met these guys a combination of being out in the city and on Tinder. I’m not mentioning the NBA guys house I went to in NJ because I wouldn’t kiss him. I did stay the night though. He was really young. Ugh!

I tried to focus my efforts more this year by sticking with older guys, but I’m saddened and kinda heart broken that 2 of the more long term/attentive guys (Matt S and Leo G) that I talked to both had girlfriends.

I have been motivated to write on this blog because of the experiences I’ve had with these two boys in the last 2 weeks. Mind you there has been overlap with some of these guys, but was only a week if that.

Please do read on….

 

I’m Curvy and Mainly Attract Disrespectful Overly Horny Guys

Is there something wrong with me or something wrong with guys?

Of course pof is addicting like crack. You log on that site and you have 10 new emails and 5 chat requests in like 7 minutes, so I have naturally been spending more time there from a numbers perspective. You already know from previous posts that the guys here are less educated and successful, but I’ve still noticed a trend here that you are more likely to get past email and actually meet someone in person.  I’m talking even with phds, physicians and finance traders that are more well suited for me purely from an intellectual perspective.

I recently met a Bond Trader living in NJ, but working in Midtown. He was the most polite guy that I have ever been on a date with or spoken to on the phone. He never said anything inappropriate.  He just didn’t have a jawline! I hate to say that because he was so nice. It was like all the fat in his body was in his face. I just couldn’t date him.

The rest of them have been so rude and disrespectful. It makes me wonder if it’s because of the way I’m shaped or the way I present myself. Or maybe it’s just this disgusting pof.com site and all girls are dealing with this same phenomena. Girls please weigh in here.

A little about how I look…I’ve always had attention from men since I was like 10, which is gross and always made me feel weird. I think since I had curves at such a young age I attracted older grabby guys, but it also turned me into the very conservative person that I am today. I have an hourglass figure. Not fat-curvy by any means. I have more of a JLo, Kim Kardashian figure (without the huge boobs 😉 ) .  I have only slept with 2 men. One in college that I was with for 7 years and the other when I moved to NYC for 5 years. So I’m not a whore and don’t appreciate being treated by one or talked to like one. What ever happened to guys with manners? Why do they think they can ask for pictures of me through text? We all know where that leads. I was stupid enough to send one, then came, “send me a picture of your butt in a thong”, then “send me a picture of you in a bikini”. I did that too…I’ll note only because this guy was a male model and had been in blockbuster movies and was SUPER HOT! It didn’t take long to see he was turning me into his little puppet, so I stopped communication with him. More importantly he stopped communication with me when he realized he wasn’t going to get what he wanted out of me. I’m not really sure what came first. Aside from that I totally regret sending those text images because he kept wanting more and more.  Insatiable!  I stopped it with that guy and I make it a rule to not send any pictures to any guy through text. In fact, they lose points when they ask for any.

I’m just wondering if other girls that have more boyish figures encounter the same treatment? I have full length pictures of me in dresses on my online profile that are figure hugging, but not short with my ass hanging out or anything. I’ve always considered myself a nice/classy dresser, but am just confused now. Am I sending wrong messages or are guys total jerks?

Any information from other girls experience would be helpful. Maybe I should just get off pof lol.

No dates for me this weekend!!! Have a great one peeps!