Tag Archives: dating in your 30s

Spring is Finally here. Where’s the love?

16 Apr

Spring DatingIt’s been awhile since I last wrote. Not really sure why because a lot has been happening. Spring is finally here in the city and it feels like a whole new world. I’m happy about that because I’m in need of new energy.

I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting, which I think is a good thing. I’ve been single for 3 years (I think) and I’m 36 now. I know some people like being single and maybe I did for a certain period, but I’m pretty sick of it now. I’ve been sick of being single for all of 2015. You can only get hit on by so many 22-27 year olds before it starts to get old. These little boys are aggressive and grabby too. I find myself not even wanting to go out because that’s what I find out. Waste of time, waste of calories spent on liquid!

After a 7.5 year relationship going right into a 5.5 year relationship I needed to rediscover who I was and what I wanted. I think when you are in a relationship you are always thinking what else is out there in the most idealistic sense. The hard reality (at least here in NYC) is that there are a lot of drugged out, narcissistic, broke, selfish, slutty, objectifying guys out there that are too scared to get emotionally invested in anyone, so they just go about using and abusing every woman that crosses their path. I date these guys and befriend these guys. See it first hand and then my friends tell me about their own similar experiences. It’s so bad here that my girlfriends will only date people outside of the city.

I recently dated this guy Jose P. for 6/7 months and every time I brought up us just seeing each other he would stall me and/or have one excuse or another. What the fuck?! That’s a long ass time. You know a person pretty well after a couple of months, there’s no need for 4 months or longer. So all this waiting talk is pure bullshit!!

The kind of guy that pulls this shit and pretends to want something serious is the worst kind of guy. Claims he wants it all, but always runs away attempting to keep you waiting around for sexual favors or God knows what. I don’t understand why people have gotten so messed up and insecure that they can’t commit to a few months of respectfully dating one another. Dating is meant to get to know people…break ups are ok. What’s not ok is running around on every single person you date. That is psychologically and physically unhealthy for both parties. Insecure people do this and it further breeds trust issues and insecurities.

I’ll write more about dating Jose in detail later. He was literally the 3rd person I’ve ever dated in my life. I fell hard for him and he broke my heart. I had been running around in circles all that time until I met him. Somehow he got me to stand still long enough to realize that I wanted to be with just him. I wanted more and I wanted to take chances with him. I was bold and told him what I wanted and I still got nothing from him. I honestly now think he never stopped dating and meeting other girls the entire I time I knew him. Makes me literally sick to my stomach. I really think he thought he would get hurt by me, so he hurt me first by letting me down every time I would give him a chance. There’s only so many times you can try and give others chances.

I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong and whose fault it all was. This “thing” whatever you call it even though it didn’t have a label certainly feels like a breakup. Accompanied by nausea, crying and lack of appetite. I haven’t felt this shit in over a decade. It’s truly awful!  At the end of the day I wish people could remain friendly after break ups. I guess it’s more difficult for some than others.  I really try to communicate and respect people I date and by date I mean longer than a month. I guess I’m happy that I’m finally open to receiving love again. It took 10 long years! I’m hurt now and realize it’s not killing me, so I can get hurt again. I’ve cried a lot of tears over Jose, but the next time I’ll choose someone who is also ready, who actually wants the same things and it will be for real. And I’m not going to find him on Tinder like I found Jose. I’m brave enough to take chances in love again. It’s a really huge breakthrough for me. I’m excited and I can’t wait to meet the special guy that was meant for me. I can’t wait to feel safe, loved and protected in someones arms again. Ahhh that’s just the best! Also the regular sex is priceless…GOD give me that again. This body was not meant to be wasted and it certainly goes LONG periods being wasted.

I hope the next few months brings lots of inspiring new adventures for all you 30somethings out there…me included :).

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Benn G., my sweet 27 year old

10 Sep

bennMind you I’m 35 now, so I have no business messing with this boy. BUT Benn G was the really cute 27 year old that I went on all these NYC dates with. Central Park picnic, baking cookies, mini golf on the pier, Happy hours, Street meat. All so fun. I really enjoyed this guys company and by date 6 all of my girlfriends were pressuring me to give up some goods. At this point I had been back to his apartment twice for a heavier make out sessions, but stopped them each time. I did touch his dick once and it was surprisingly large and perfect. I’m pretty easy to please (physically) unlike most girls so size has never really mattered much to me with guys. Still a nice surprise considering he was on the slender side, muscular, but a little tall and lanky.

I got weirded out by this guys somewhat freak side. He carried cufflinks keys on his keychain and would always say how hot it is to put them on a girl during sex. I would joke…please romance me more, then change the topic. So weird! He was really good looking so I tolerated it.

Anyway date 7 rolls around and I invite him over to my place for dinner. He had earlier said he would bring wine. I slave over the kitchen and spend about $100 on groceries making skirt steak and crabcakes from scratch for him with roasted potatoes on the side. I made a bowl of fruit for desert. He comes over empty handed, so I say I don’t think so go across the street and buy us some wine. I knew that night was going to either be great or awful and I at least wanted to know he bought me something. I’m pretty sure I had shaved and prepped all areas full on thinking I was going to have sex with this guys after dinner. I knew beforehand I was going to have some kind of conversation with him if he was seeing anyone else because that’s obviously a no go for me.

I’m a gamer and have an original nintendo and xbox at my place, so we play some old school mario and then decide to get busy. We outgrow the couch and move to my bedroom. I ask him in so many ways if he is seeing anyone and matter of factly he says “oh that’s one thing I’m absolutely not wiling to do. Not going to be exclusive with anyone” I think I was stunned and disgusted at the same time, but kissed him and said well I absolutely cannot sleep with you then. Not going to lie it got a little awkward. I’m straddling him with my dress over my hips and thinking how the fuck do I get off him without being incredibly rude. We actually kissed a few more times because my vag and brain were having a ferocious hateful debate that my brain ultimately won.

I kinda rolled off him and told him I really liked him and I’ll probably make out with him again, but I can’t do this. He laughed and said he really liked me too. He left my apartment shortly after that. I was sad and disappointed, but what was I thinking with a 27 year old anyway?!

I had no desire to text or follow up with him and genuinely felt like a dodged a bullet yet again, but my vag was still really f’ing pissed. Weeks if not a month goes by. I distract myself with Matt S., the British Rugby player and a slew of other usless guys in the meantime.

I invite him and a bunch of people to a group happy hour and he surprises me and shows up.  A lot of people showed up and I had a new guy there I was loosely interested in. Same flirtation started we took turns buying rounds for eachother and then he ferociously made out with me as soon as we walked out of the bar. He was totally trying to kiss my boobs in the cab and I was like slow down. It was HOT though! He does this really weird thing with his tongue though that I hate. Ick!

Anyway we arrive at the next spot a guy friends bday party at Empire hotel. Was kinda a ghetto weird crowd, but good music, so whatever. Benn buys me a drink which I love because he’s so cheap. He’s acting all coupley with me then these girls walk by, not cute mind you, but probably closer to his age, say 30. He’s like hey nice seeing you guys you are so and so right. He proceeds to totally ditch me the rest of the night, which I hardly noticed because I was talking to a bunch of other people at the bday party, but after about an hour I’m like wtf. He walks by me and apologizes saying the girl might be helping him get a job. I don’t really believe it, but I don’t really care either because again he’s 27 and this is stupid. He’s just really cute. Ugh fml!

So I’ve scheduled yet another happy hour again tomorrow that he’s responded that he “maybe” going to on facebook. Maybe he’ll surprise me again and show up and we’ll ferociously make out again. Maybe not. After hanging with all these cheating guys he seems like a breath of fresh air that was at least honest with me. Is this what it’s come down to ladies of NYC? The cheating guys or the guys that just want no strings attached sex? I’m not buying either option, but it makes me sad that as a woman I have no one to be with physically. Makes me kinda want to cry though. I want nothing more than to have a man in my life, but they don’t exist here. Just stupid boy players that are even in their 40s. I feel like eating a box of chocolate chip cookies for dinner. In fact…yes I will do that and then run 8 miles at the gym. I haven’t yet gotten to Matt S. and Leo G which all just happened last week and this week. The cookie thing will make more sense then. I’ll save that for this weekend. As for now I’m officially playing Leo…hee, hee…fucker :).

I’m Curvy and Mainly Attract Disrespectful Overly Horny Guys

4 Aug

Is there something wrong with me or something wrong with guys?

Of course pof is addicting like crack. You log on that site and you have 10 new emails and 5 chat requests in like 7 minutes, so I have naturally been spending more time there from a numbers perspective. You already know from previous posts that the guys here are less educated and successful, but I’ve still noticed a trend here that you are more likely to get past email and actually meet someone in person.  I’m talking even with phds, physicians and finance traders that are more well suited for me purely from an intellectual perspective.

I recently met a Bond Trader living in NJ, but working in Midtown. He was the most polite guy that I have ever been on a date with or spoken to on the phone. He never said anything inappropriate.  He just didn’t have a jawline! I hate to say that because he was so nice. It was like all the fat in his body was in his face. I just couldn’t date him.

The rest of them have been so rude and disrespectful. It makes me wonder if it’s because of the way I’m shaped or the way I present myself. Or maybe it’s just this disgusting pof.com site and all girls are dealing with this same phenomena. Girls please weigh in here.

A little about how I look…I’ve always had attention from men since I was like 10, which is gross and always made me feel weird. I think since I had curves at such a young age I attracted older grabby guys, but it also turned me into the very conservative person that I am today. I have an hourglass figure. Not fat-curvy by any means. I have more of a JLo, Kim Kardashian figure (without the huge boobs 😉 ) .  I have only slept with 2 men. One in college that I was with for 7 years and the other when I moved to NYC for 5 years. So I’m not a whore and don’t appreciate being treated by one or talked to like one. What ever happened to guys with manners? Why do they think they can ask for pictures of me through text? We all know where that leads. I was stupid enough to send one, then came, “send me a picture of your butt in a thong”, then “send me a picture of you in a bikini”. I did that too…I’ll note only because this guy was a male model and had been in blockbuster movies and was SUPER HOT! It didn’t take long to see he was turning me into his little puppet, so I stopped communication with him. More importantly he stopped communication with me when he realized he wasn’t going to get what he wanted out of me. I’m not really sure what came first. Aside from that I totally regret sending those text images because he kept wanting more and more.  Insatiable!  I stopped it with that guy and I make it a rule to not send any pictures to any guy through text. In fact, they lose points when they ask for any.

I’m just wondering if other girls that have more boyish figures encounter the same treatment? I have full length pictures of me in dresses on my online profile that are figure hugging, but not short with my ass hanging out or anything. I’ve always considered myself a nice/classy dresser, but am just confused now. Am I sending wrong messages or are guys total jerks?

Any information from other girls experience would be helpful. Maybe I should just get off pof lol.

No dates for me this weekend!!! Have a great one peeps!