Archive | April, 2015

Meatpacking….Hookers and Cocaine are EVERYWHERE!!

17 Apr

A-man-snorting-cocaine-001I’ve decided to give going out on “the scene” a bit of a break and slow down with the drinking and occasional smoking. In the last month I’ve only been out twice. Last night I was invited to a “Spring Fling” by one of my neighbors named Jay at Revel in meatpacking. I wasn’t feeling like going and really just wanted to gym that night, but I got my act together when the texts started pouring in around 11:30pm.

I finally get down there around 12:30am.The place is dying down, but I see my crew and I head over. As soon as I see one of my acquaintance/friends/neighbors I go over and say hi.  Corrine is originally from Texas with Irish looks and strawberry blonde hair. She’s very small framed and looks like the sweetest girl. We have history years ago meeting at PhD with her then boyfriend, now fiance Sean. She was famous for giving sneers, but somehow she has come around to now greeting me and instantly shoving her hands down my bra squeezing my nipples and lifting my breasts. Full on cupping of breasts!! Not once throughout the night, but twice!! I have friends where I’ll smack them on the side of the tit joking around, but only if I was very close friends. Corrine and I, not so close, so this was beyond weird. She’s hammered, I’m butt sober, so I write it off.

My neighbor Philip is with me and my other friend Miranda. Philip is a 41 year old creative type that has a massive Asian fetish. He’s like my gay best friend, that’s not gay and is very near and dear to me. Miranda comes from a privileged Chinese family and is 25 and super hot. She sweats one of our other neighbors and is always clinging around so she can “run into him”.  Miranda has some friend with her named Simona that is pretty hot as well. These girls were like bulls in a China shop barreling through people stealing people’s drinks and just a mess. They were both wearing skin tight dresses with cleavage pouring out and running up and dancing with random guys AND girls. There were out of control and acting like total whores grabbing on any guy they could find.

Philip points out that there are 2 hookers at the bar. I was shocked because they weren’t all that hot and they weren’t dressed liked hookers. There were kind of understated hookers, but damn they were clawing at every guy, didn’t matter how old or what they looked like. It made me really sad to see that.

Then Simona comes over and states she’s engaged and that I don’t have to worry about her. Not sure why she would think I would worry about her or be threatened by her, but ok. It was so disappointing to hear that she was engaged and acting like such a ho dancing up on every guy and girl in site. She’s young and stupid I guess.

We decide to leave and head to Banc in midtown. I run into not one guy I’ve kissed there, but 2…ugh fml. I’m 3 drinks in and feeling drunk, so I drink water from this point on. I mainly just hang out with Philip because he makes me feel safe. Jason is actually a really nice guy and I say hello. Krishna is an immature dbag, but I say hi to him as well. I’m pretty sure I make both these guys nervous and I don’t even know how. I don’t give them attention when I see them, but I guess they can tell I don’t give a fuck about them and that makes them feel uncomfortable. Also they’ve never slept with me, so they have zero leverage over me.

At some point someone tells me Corrine is ferociously making out with some cute guy, which happens to be one of the managers of the Hill. She’s fucking engaged! I’m horrified! I’m loosely friends with her husband. Do I get involved? I’ve done this before and I end up losing, so I’m not going to, plus it was just a kiss. I would say something if she insisted on staying with him and going home with him, but not for a kiss.

Corrine is a Southern Belle, that doesn’t swear at all, can’t talk about shit or piss or anything biological while eating, instagrams all day about God, yet takes anal on the regular from her man and cheats on her fiance. Oh and she was texting some dude the entire night. What a piece of shit! I’m pretty sure her fiance cheats on her with all the inappropriate flirting he does in front of her. The thing that pisses me off here is that Corrine is treated so respectfully and carefully by guys, but is a fucking whore. Meanwhile I have guys constantly trying to get at me and that are physically disrespectful.  Yes I swear a ton, but I’ve had sex with 5 guys in my entire life, never done anal and am super modest when it comes to anything sexual. I was with a guy for 7.5 years and never saw another guy. No other guy exists in the world for me when I’m serious about someone. Guys that make assumptions about girls by the way they look aren’t doing themselves any favors.

Krishna comes over and offers Philip and I some lines of coke. Both of us had to ask him to repeat himself because we were both so stunned. Is it commonplace to assume everyone does coke? I’ve never touched the stuff nor has Philip and I find it repulsive. Plus this is a stupid Thursday night at Banc, why is this coke worthy?

I’m done and just feeling surrounded by the filth of the world, so Philip and I go home. It’s getting to the point where I’m scared to go out at night. Where are all the good people in NYC? Morally intact with strong values and social at the same time. Why don’t I meet these people?

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Spring is Finally here. Where’s the love?

16 Apr

Spring DatingIt’s been awhile since I last wrote. Not really sure why because a lot has been happening. Spring is finally here in the city and it feels like a whole new world. I’m happy about that because I’m in need of new energy.

I’ve been doing a lot of self reflecting, which I think is a good thing. I’ve been single for 3 years (I think) and I’m 36 now. I know some people like being single and maybe I did for a certain period, but I’m pretty sick of it now. I’ve been sick of being single for all of 2015. You can only get hit on by so many 22-27 year olds before it starts to get old. These little boys are aggressive and grabby too. I find myself not even wanting to go out because that’s what I find out. Waste of time, waste of calories spent on liquid!

After a 7.5 year relationship going right into a 5.5 year relationship I needed to rediscover who I was and what I wanted. I think when you are in a relationship you are always thinking what else is out there in the most idealistic sense. The hard reality (at least here in NYC) is that there are a lot of drugged out, narcissistic, broke, selfish, slutty, objectifying guys out there that are too scared to get emotionally invested in anyone, so they just go about using and abusing every woman that crosses their path. I date these guys and befriend these guys. See it first hand and then my friends tell me about their own similar experiences. It’s so bad here that my girlfriends will only date people outside of the city.

I recently dated this guy Jose P. for 6/7 months and every time I brought up us just seeing each other he would stall me and/or have one excuse or another. What the fuck?! That’s a long ass time. You know a person pretty well after a couple of months, there’s no need for 4 months or longer. So all this waiting talk is pure bullshit!!

The kind of guy that pulls this shit and pretends to want something serious is the worst kind of guy. Claims he wants it all, but always runs away attempting to keep you waiting around for sexual favors or God knows what. I don’t understand why people have gotten so messed up and insecure that they can’t commit to a few months of respectfully dating one another. Dating is meant to get to know people…break ups are ok. What’s not ok is running around on every single person you date. That is psychologically and physically unhealthy for both parties. Insecure people do this and it further breeds trust issues and insecurities.

I’ll write more about dating Jose in detail later. He was literally the 3rd person I’ve ever dated in my life. I fell hard for him and he broke my heart. I had been running around in circles all that time until I met him. Somehow he got me to stand still long enough to realize that I wanted to be with just him. I wanted more and I wanted to take chances with him. I was bold and told him what I wanted and I still got nothing from him. I honestly now think he never stopped dating and meeting other girls the entire I time I knew him. Makes me literally sick to my stomach. I really think he thought he would get hurt by me, so he hurt me first by letting me down every time I would give him a chance. There’s only so many times you can try and give others chances.

I’m still trying to figure out what went wrong and whose fault it all was. This “thing” whatever you call it even though it didn’t have a label certainly feels like a breakup. Accompanied by nausea, crying and lack of appetite. I haven’t felt this shit in over a decade. It’s truly awful!  At the end of the day I wish people could remain friendly after break ups. I guess it’s more difficult for some than others.  I really try to communicate and respect people I date and by date I mean longer than a month. I guess I’m happy that I’m finally open to receiving love again. It took 10 long years! I’m hurt now and realize it’s not killing me, so I can get hurt again. I’ve cried a lot of tears over Jose, but the next time I’ll choose someone who is also ready, who actually wants the same things and it will be for real. And I’m not going to find him on Tinder like I found Jose. I’m brave enough to take chances in love again. It’s a really huge breakthrough for me. I’m excited and I can’t wait to meet the special guy that was meant for me. I can’t wait to feel safe, loved and protected in someones arms again. Ahhh that’s just the best! Also the regular sex is priceless…GOD give me that again. This body was not meant to be wasted and it certainly goes LONG periods being wasted.

I hope the next few months brings lots of inspiring new adventures for all you 30somethings out there…me included :).