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New Date…FAIL!

23 Sep

So I go on a first date tonight with a seemingly nice guy from match.com. He’s age appropriate at 36 and we agree to meet at the Smith. His profile says he’s 5’10. When I arrive I see he’s more like 5’8, which is annoying. Still he looks ok and the conversation was really flowing, so I stay for 2 drinks.

I tell him I’m a conservative girl and I like to take my time getting to know a guy. I feel it’s necessary to tell guys this now because they all get inappropriate at some point. I always hope when I meet a new guy and actually like them that they stay a gentlemen all night. Most fail sadly.

At some point the doosey comes out about him having an 8 year old daughter and getting divorced 5 years ago. I’m kinda at the point that I’m ok with this now, just cause lots of people have kids at our age. So I ask him would you date a woman with kids and he aggressively says no. I inquire further why and he says because he’s not trying to get involved with that drama.  “I’m at the point where I want as few obligations as possible”. What an idiot! He wants me to consider dating him, but he would never do the same. AND he wants no obligations. What a moron! Yeah ok guy strike one.

Then he mentions he’s looking to have fun. Any guy that says anything about having fun is an immediate NO for me and should be for all you girls out there. He’s a “hit it and quit it” type and a waste of your time.

So we decide to call it a night and he kisses me outside of the smith. It was actually a really good kiss surprisingly. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I have so few intimate moments in my life that a kiss can be really exhilarating to me. No it doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you or you are coming back home with me you twit. Which I’m sure he was thinking. Ugh!

He suggests going to another bar across the street and I go. There were no girls in the bar and I literally felt the guys swarming. 2 guys had sat right at our table across from us and it wasn’t even crowded. #weird

It’s getting late so I offer to pay the bill since he paid at the last spot. We leave and I start walking home and he follows me. He kisses me again. Another good kiss and I tell him I should get going. He’s like let’s hang out more. I might not be able to get home if 1st avenue is closed because of the UN general assembly. Which is true, but I went from annoyed to totally offended in 2 seconds. I totally called him out. I was like are you seriously inviting yourself to my place with this bs story? Didn’t you hear anything about me?

So we leave and he again tries to come home with me and then invites me to his place. He kisses me again and starts touching my waist and hips. I wore a conservative dress with a bulky jacket, so he couldn’t see my body, but I’ve determined it’s just worse this way to try and hide myself. Still the same result with overly sexual disrespectful guys trying to bang me after knowing me for hours.

He pulls me off the street and gets CRAZY with me all within minutes or seconds telling me he’s so hard and I’m so hot and he wants me so bad…he’s going to have to break his rule with me….yeah guy shut the fuck up I’m thinking in my head. Then he tells me he wants to eat me out sooo bad…I’m like WHOA guy, this is getting crazy. We are looking for different things. I have to go home. I’ve sadly had more guys than I’d like telling me they would love to eat me out. WTF?! Is this normal courting behavior? Why does this always happen to me? I mean match.com is a paying dating site right? If I wanted to get eaten out by randoms I certainly don’t have to pay for a dating service you DICK! I can walk into any bar and have that happen. Piece of shit!!

He changes his tone saying he’s open to seeing me again and would want to. What is this guy smoking?! Like hell I’m going to see him again. Fucking idiot!

This guy is an educated 36 year old that makes over 6 figures. He knows better. He’s an asshole and NYC is filled with this.

At any rate I just feel like eating sweets and sleeping in tomorrow. It’s useless. It seems like there are no good men left in NYC. Did all the mothers out there do terrible jobs? How am I constantly disrespected? Don’t tell me not to kiss the guy because I think there’s a HUGE gap between kissing a guy and talking about how hard you are and how much you want to eat someone out.

Tell me what I’m doing wrong please…I beg of you.

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Dating Guys that Live in Your Building

30 Jul

Ok, so I’m not sure if I posted this before,  but last year I sorta hooked up (PG) with a guy that lives in my building on the 6th Floor. This guy isn’t the most attractive guy in the world, but he was and is super smart. If guys that can’t write a proper sentence or type in all caps piss me off to no-end, a guy that is super smart will definitely be a turn on. He went to one of the best undergrad schools in the country and also got a business degree from the same school. So by no means is he an idiot…academically speaking.

The 6th floor guy from last year was actually the first guy in NYC that took me out on a proper date since before him I was in a 7 year relationship and then a 5 year relationship. I met the 7 year relationship guy in college, so there was no dinning or taking out. I met the 5 year guy about 5 months after splitting from the 7 year guy and just needed company, so I was willing to accept anything in terms of dating venues and guys for that matter. He took me out for a slice of pizza in Little Italy for our first date and he didn’t even eat, so you can’t really call it a formal date. He leeched on to me for a long 5 years after that, but I was the idiot that let it happen.

I’ll add a formal post on what went down with this guy last year. In short he’s a mess! But he likes to creep back in my life whenever we see each other in the lobby. He’s even gone so far to tell me in the street that he’s had dreams about me saving him. He’s told me he wants to give me babies, BUT…he’s a drunk, has had episodes of serious drug abuse, gambles too often, and loses jobs frequently. Who knows how we pays his massive mortgage, but not my problem. Right?

I’m a chatty patty and I love my doormen and the building staff, so I’m always in the lobby talking to these guys. On Friday night I see the 6th floor guy I hooked up with last year and he’s covered in bruises. Not surprising because he’s a mess, but he asks me to go out with him to a neighborhood spot. He’s dangerous, so I’m not really interested, but at the same time, I’m really worried about him and his self destructive ways. It’s like the dysfunction draws me in, which is messed up, so I stay further away.

I’m still hanging in the lobby when 20 mins later this other guy in my building walks by that lives on the 21st floor.  I’ve always thought this guy looked so cute in a suit and tie and he tells me I look gorgeous. I’m like what the hell?!? This guy never says more than 5 words to me and now he thinks I’m gorgeous? He walks back in the building and I realize he is way too talkative as he’s chatting me and the doormen up. He’s definitely been drinking. Whatever…if the liquid courage got you what you need to talk to me….keep talking.

So he goes back up to his apartment and I walk my pups. I see him on the street 5 mins later and he invites me out. I like doing random, yet safe things so I say yes. He walks with me and my pups since he also has a dog and says he’ll wait for me. Before we get back to our building he runs into 2 girls he used to work with and is like verbally vomiting on these two girls about how he got laid off/fired. I’m like great another loser guy! He just kept rambling to these girls and I felt awkward and embarrassed for him. This should have been a warning sign, but I’m an idiot and we go out to LES around 2am.

He’s all like I know a promoter at Hotel Chantelle  and we can get right in. I’m like ok whatever. Clearly his promoter was taking a while and I also knew someone there promoting named Lisa and texted her and we got right in bouncing the huge line. Once we are in we finally get to interact a little and I can’t tell if this guy is just really drunk or just weird. No wonder he never spoke before. It was like I said “up”, he would say “down”. I would try to say a joke and he would take serious offense to it. It was like we were speaking different languages. I was really turned off by this, but I like to understand things so I stayed. Plus he bought me two drinks and was very protective and polite, which was nice. He did try grabbing and holding my hand multiple times, which I thought was annoying. I’m thinking “I don’t know you…get off me”. Again, all these guys are so grabby. I have a tiny waist and curvy hips, so guys are always touching that and it get’s annoying. Don’t touch my hand or my waist until I give you the green light. At least wait till the 2nd date. This wasn’t even a date!

So all of the sudden we were with 3 other people and we were trying to remember who sang a song together. There were girls laughing and just being drunk, flirty, and silly and 21st floor guy get’s all pissed and says they were “clowning him”. This guy clearly has self esteem issues or something. Before I know it he’s saying he’s got to go and just decides for us that we are leaving. I have to quickly say my goodbyes and I turn around and he’s gone. Luckily I got a glimpse of him out the door talking to car service.

I run out the door and I ask him if he’s leaving me…shit we can share cab fare you know. He’s like “No, I thought you would like it if I got us a cab”. There were like none around, so he “negotiates” paying $20 to go from LES to Midtown East. Fucking idiot! He also wanted to “take care” of our driver and he had no cash. So I ended up paying the $20 and he gave him a $10 tip. What an idiot!

So we finally get home to our shared building after only being gone for an hour. Weird! I want to end the night, but this is where it gets tricky. We get in the elevator and I press both our floors. He’s acting awkward and he’s like “don’t you still want to hang out?” I’m thinking no I don’t want to hook up with you just leave me alone, but he follows me off my elevator and I have to rush back to my apartment to avoid my dogs barking and waking up neighbors. Fuck! So now this guy is in my apartment. And to make matters worse he’s acting like he wants to move in. WTF!?! He eventually kisses me, but it was a really wet kiss that included him licking from half way down my chin to then sucking on my bottom lip. What the hell is wrong with guys? I definitely had to wipe my face off after that kiss…GROSS! Please God why do you put all the weirdos in my path? And why are they all such bad kissers. Almost every guy I’ve kissed in my 30s has been a disgusting kisser. Is this why they are all still single? Ugh!

He says he wants to take me out to wine and dinner on the following night which would have been Saturday, but I had a bday party to go to at Fontana bar. I invite him to come and he’s like yeah we can go get a drink and then go there. I’m like cool and don’t worry about anything else. I just want him out of my apartment.

Saturday comes and we text in the morning and he is sweet. I think I’m sweet back, but I don’t like texting all day with no purpose at the same time. He says he’s going to take a nap and I respond “Talk later”. He responds “What?” and again I feel like I’m explaining or defending myself. WTF?!? I know guys sometimes have fragile egos, but this was extreme.

Hours go by and around 8:30 he tells me he’s sick and is staying in. What a fucking nut job!

It turned out I had a blast on Saturday with like 8 of my friends and met up with another 20 people at the bday party. The company was great, but I wouldn’t recommend Fontana bar. It’s too divey, definitely not a Saturday night spot.

In fact, one of the guys there was hitting on me all night and tried to even crash in my loft, but I wasn’t having it. What is it going to take to have a normal, attractive, compatible guy walk into my life? Sigh!

At any rate, the guy I dated from last year on the 6th floor that same night sent me a text around 4:25am responding to my text the day earlier. The only thing I texted was that I worry about him.  He responded a day later “Haha, go fuck urself. U don’t care and I don’t deserve it” then immediately called me to ask if we could “cuddle”. Insanity!

He apologized for that whacked out text on Sunday and asked me to go see the Batman movie. I made an excuse. Ugh! What’s wrong with guys. These are supposedly the smart high earning guys too. Are all us girls screwed?

FireFighters of NYC. Do We Love FDNY or Hate ’em?

21 Jul

You love them because they save you and let’s be honest…typically have really great arms and look really good, but you hate them because these are the guys that try to pick you up and sleep with you at any bar close to Grand Central or any firehouse in Manhattan. I happen to live near Grand Central and cops and firefighters from Queens and Brooklyn love to come to my neighborhood bars. This is one of the main reasons I avoid going out in my neighborhood because the chances of me meeting another Manhattanite in these places are next to zero. I want to date someone who lives somewhat close, not a 40 or 60 min train ride away.

It’s a fact that Cops and Firefighters for some reason are attracted to me. I was with a Navy man for many, many years and I don’t want or wish to be with any man that regularly puts his life on the line and/or in general is a meat head. I know that might sound like BS, but that’s my take on service men of any kind. No military, no cops, no firefighters, no FBI! While we are at it, no security officers or bouncers either lol.  Just save yourself the misery and say NO!

What prompted me to write this post is that I met a really HOT firefighter on Saturday night. I was walking home from Grand Central stone cold sober at 11pm. This isn’t the first FDNY service member that has tried to get my attention, but J.H was definitely the slickest. This mother bleeper was on his phone walking in my direction and we glanced at each other. He then literally bee-lined over to me and asked me if I knew where McFadden’s was? Slick!

I removed my headphones and asked him to repeat the question as I eyeballed him. He asked again while keeping the phone caller on hold. He then asks me to join him to meet some friends at a champagne lounge and hangs up on whoever he was talking to without saying goodbye.  I politely decline. I was going home. I thought I looked like crap and just wasn’t in the mood. He asks if he can take a picture with me and I agreed. This isn’t the first time a drunk guy has asked to take a picture with me in the street, but he was HOT, so I made an exception. He takes 2 pictures of us and once I look at the picture I saw just how HOT he really was. Smokin’! Literally this firefighter had to put my flames out! 

The more this guy is ranting on and asking to take me out I start really listening to him and watching his body language. I realize not only is this guy HOT, but he’s smart and witty too! At this very moment It dawns on me that I’m in trouble and tell myself “What the hell go with him”. Yikes!  

J.H. made me feel like he was mesmerized by me and this engaged me. Slick, slick! So I suggest going to McFaddens,  for one drink and he then admits he had just came from there. Lying Mother F’er!

Walking together J.H. immiediately tries to hold my hand. RED ALERT #1 Trying to establish intimacy prematurely = I’m in a rush to touch you = Nothing more than a Hook up! I laughingly ask “are you trying to hold my hand”, shaking his hand away from mine. He replies “Yeah, I figure we are at that stage. Don’t you think?” I told him “No, I don’t think we are at that stage. I just met you 5 mins ago.” He must’ve tried grabbing my hand at least 5 times on the short 2 block walk to McFaddens. Ridiculous!

There’s a crazy line at McFadden’s, so we go to Calico Jacks next door. The clientele that usually frequents these kind of establishments off 2nd Ave. are referred to as BNT’ers. Which stands for Bridge N Tunnel’ers. Meaning they don’t live in the city, but travel by bridge or tunnel to get into the city. They are typically working class and young. These two spots are conveniently located near Grand Central and are easily accessible for our friendly BNT’ers.

They waive the cover for us as soon as I walk up. I guess guys that try to go in on their own get charged $5. The place is disgusting. Trashy even, but whatever it was on the way home for me and this guy was fun to look at. He grabs my hand yet again and waves me through a crowd of people up steps to a private corner where there are chairs. Now, this is really frickin’ random for me! I don’t usually meet people in the street and hang out with them, but he was an exception. College educated, smart, sexy, funny, great ass, nice chest and arms, confident, and seemingly sincere.

He didn’t offer to buy me a drink right away which I thought was weird, but instead wanted to thumb wrestle me. At the time I thought it was cute until yesterday when I read an article in Glamour that said “play hand games to flirt like thumb wrestling”. J.H clearly had read this same article. Worst part was that I fell for it! I thought he was boyish cute, but a sexy man at the same time. Double whammy for me!

I finally say I need a drink and we both go to the bar and he offers to pay for it. Nice! At this point I’m noticing he doesn’t look once to check out any other girls. Points in my book! But I think most guys and all players know eyeballing all the meat around won’t get you any tail and they adjust accordingly depending upon if there is prey in sight.

We sit at the bar for a little bit and I just couldn’t help myself so I start touching his shoulders and arms and smiling. He smiled back, but was fumbling with his beer and maybe even dribbling a little and was clearly drunk, not teetering drunk, but drunk. Nevertheless, it was such a turnoff. He only drank 1 beer the entire 5+ hours we were together, so he must’ve sobered up at some point.

Internal Dialogue with myself: He’s so cute! But he’s a FireFighter. But look at his ass! OMG he has a great profile. He’s cheap, he only bought me one drink! Why does he keep saying such cute and funny things? I so want to see him naked!  He lives in Queens, Ick! OMG what am I doing here?

We finally sit back down in our corner and then he starts staring at me and leaning towards me. This immediately makes me feel uncomfortable as I don’t kiss people I just meet or don’t know and he fell into both those categories. I say jokingly, but meant it “Don’t stare at me and get close like that I know what it means and I don’t even kiss guys on a first date and this isn’t a date”. He laughs and decides to make a joke out of it and tries to get as close to my lips without touching them. Once he starts this game it’s like he won’t stop. I thought it was a game at first as well until I realized it was just J.H being slick and was part of his game, not a game. He’s totally seducing me with this game in a bar full of people and I HATE PDAs! He’s stroking my hair and the sides of my face, but no kiss. This goes on for like an hour it seems. He says “this sexual tension is killing me, but it’s awesome.” In my head I’m thinking what the F is going on here, but am so wanting him it scares and excites me at the same time.

I start to feel dominated by this game and got really bitchy and tell him he’s making me feel uncomfortable. I could tell he felt uncomfortable too by what I was saying and it made me feel good. I was trying to put him in his place, but it didn’t work because my actions didn’t back it up. RED ALERT #2 rushing physicality = disrespecting boundaries. I should’ve bailed at this moment, but I stayed. The pretend kissing game went on longer and I had to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I couldn’t take it anymore. I took a long time on purpose and he was still out there waiting for me when I got back. Uh oh!

It has to be close to 1am at this point. He pulls me close to him up against a wall and with our bodies pressing up against each other and his lips just barely touching mine I gave in to the kiss. It was so soft, sweet, and passionate. I think I was practically hyperventilating from the nerves. My heart was beating so fast and I’m sure he could feel it through my chest. There was serious chemistry! It was definitely the best stranger kiss I’ve ever had. See my other posts…there are a lot of really bad kissers out there.

We make out against that wall for a good while, but the whole time I’m incredibly uncomfortable. It was all so soft, sweet and gentle, but I don’t like being a spectacle for other people and just find bar/club hookups to be tacky. Although I’ve been guilty of it at least 3 times this month. Eeeek! At some point J.H. decides he’s had enough and doesn’t say anything to me just takes my hand and brings me to the bar to close my tab. RED  ALERT # 3 Any guy taking on too much control is not a good thing. This guy thought he’d end the night early and take the party back to my place. Did he ask me? NO!

I close my tab and we start walking to my block and I say I guess it’s time for me to go home now. We get to my street and he’s not letting me go that easy. It’s around 2am by now. He wants me to sit on the floor next to him. Ugh. I don’t sit on street corners! I bring him to the next building over and we sit on a ledge for 2 more hours and make out PG-13 style and talk. I tell him I don’t bring guys up to my apt that I don’t know. He’s still sitting next to me. WTF? He says he wants to take me out on Tuesday and I tell him I’m going to MOMA and he’s like “what’s that?” Bad news, guy…it’s a museum and I’m pretty sure everyone knows that. Strike! He said “Then Wednesday let’s go out.” He says he wants to see me as soon as possible. RED ALERT #4 Future Faking

“Future Fakers make it seem like there’s an actual future on the horizon for your relationship because aside from helping them get what they want in the present, they get to look and feel like they’re an amazing person…till they worry about delivering the goods…” – Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim (She’s awesome! Met her in person a few months ago, here in NYC)

I felt bad trying to get rid of this guy considering he had an hour+ commute ahead of him, but I just couldn’t stop thinking that I loved the attention and would have loved to see him naked. I give him my number and I add him as a friend on Facebook so we can get in touch. He lies to me and tells me he’s 25, while later Facebook stalking I find out he’s 28. What gives? He tells me he’s never been in relationships long enough to cheat. But says he’s only had 3 significant relationships in his life that all lasted about a month! RED ALERT#5  Lack of committment = Playa fo’ sho’. I should’ve wrapped things up real quick after this point, but still couldn’t tear myself away from J.H.

FDNY Douche

FDNY Douche!

As 4:30am rolls around I tell him I really have to go and so does he to get back home safely. He’s too cheap to pay for $60 car service.  RED ALERT #6 Cheap Guy! This guy will never buy you anything or take you out, so it’s a waste of time anyway. Scram already! I finally leave him with a kiss on the cheek and don’t look back.

I wake up at 12pm the next day and see that he’s already accepted my friend request from the previous night. I block certain albums I don’t want him seeing in haste and lightly stalk his profile. Nothing good there, no pics and not many friends. I wait for his call. Sunday goes by, Monday goes by, Tuesday goes by, Wednesday is here. I think he has to call, but I hope he doesn’t because of other guy drama I have and it would just be trouble for me if I get mixed up with him. But I still want to get mixed up with him anyway.

Late that night I notice that I had one less friend on Facebook then I had the day before and I instantly check for J.H in my friends list. He isn’t there! That c*ck sucker defriended me! WTF! Did my pics make me look too high maintenance? Was I not pretty enough? Did he think I was fat?

It didn’t matter. I chose to believe I was too high maintenance for him and honestly it would be easier for him to score with any girl other then me. I’m a relationship girl. I like guys that take their time with me and treat me right and I made that clear to him. I wonder why he accepted my friend request in the first place? Why go through that just to defriend someone? People are weird!

I realized how lucky I am that I didn’t share more of myself with this creep. What I had with J.H. might have been rare for me and special in a weird way, but was a typical night for him. I’m sure he meets tons of girls the way he met me, but luckily for me our escapade ended with a kiss. Grant it I won’t be young or have guys chasing me forever, but one night stands are gross and never lead to happiness unless you are totally disconnected from your body and emotions.

If a guy is really into you he will definitely take his time with you and not rush you into anything even if you do meet him at a bar/club/lounge or in the street. I’m calling on all the ladies to demand more from guys. If we all took a stand and got smart, guys like J.H would be left playing circle jerk, as they should be doing.

In short, I heart FDNY for the service they give to our community and they are fun to look at, but some things are better off loving from afar 😉 .

Adios J.H.! Kiss my blog! lol